I've been a bad girl

She's never alone, because she's scared of what she might say to herself, always drinking in the backroom of the bar where everyone turns in a half-hearted grin. She won't be afraid as long as that prescription keeps going through and all the happy pills make her look like cardboard cut out of someone I use to learn from. But on the phone she's telling everyone that there was a blue sky she left behind and there's a place that no one knows about, away from integrity she writes a book in her head that nobody will read. Whatever you say, please don't talk about the time when she was young
Apparently that was a different person and so long ago it's strange to me, there's no history. But there's a past and she's telling everyone it must be a garden, that wouldn't grow with roots of shame, too sensitive to blame to herself as we watch he drown, I can't save the queen without a kingdom or a crown.
Somewhere in this lonely game of sympathy there is a selfish dream that makes me sick; standing on the high wire while you're on the ground. To you what is dangerous is safe and sound...You let me down